How to not Scare off new Friends on Facebook with the ‘You’

Tip #2

Being ‘you’ is not the same as being the depressed you

Narcissists, loners, trolls, table hogs, and social pariahs have an excuse: They call it the ‘F***-U-I-Don’t-Care-What-You-Think-Of-Me and It-Is-My-Life. They will never make real friends on Facebook. They will grow old posting Emo quotes and Emo images on their walls.

The internet is full of memes of such. Look closely: What depth of impression about their social life do their statuses, likes, comments, and general behavior give you about them?

Deep inside, we are all lonely people looking for acceptance, and companionship. Do you want to make new friends? Real ones?

All of us look for validation.

First step: Shed your self-depriving, and socially-counterproductive IDC attitude and be sociable if you wish to win people. There is scientific truth that positive outlook and countenance have positive effect on people around you. The same with the way you interact with the people you have in your friends-list.

True, every person has flaws. Nobody perfect. Even those super achievers and popular people who rule Facebook. Every one has flaws. Fact: But rules of etiquette, courtesy, grace, manners, decency, and culture still govern society.

The point in being ‘you’ is neither to flash your flaws everywhere, nor in being fake. Is being polite and sociable being ‘fake’? If your sentiment is in the affirmative, I am afraid there is not much we can do to help but to point you back to your cave.

The point in being ‘you’ within a community is not to be a social failure, a loner, and a cave dweller. If you are a non-conformist, why are you on Facebook in the first place? If you chose to be a Neanderthal, the cave is yours.

If you want to rejoin civilization, here are some basic rules of interaction:

However, if you want to win friends (not just add them), be respectable. What about those dudes from the streets who exhibit poor etiquette, show Nazi upbringing in their statuses, drop more F-Bombs than the RAF did on Berlin in 1944, and cuss about lovers, friends, and relatives but still get 100s of likes?

Simple answer: Pigs wallow with pigs. Eagles fly with eagles. Equation: if you are pork, you are going to attract the approval of swine. Therefore, if you want to attract quality people, strive to be a person of quality. If you want to attract only swine, that is your prerogative. Therefore, all I can say for now is, ‘May the great Oink be with you.’

• ·         Be sociable, not groveling
• ·         Be polite, not stiff
• ·         Be softly sunny, not a sweltering summer noon
• ·         Be interactive, not intrusive

Here is the equation: I think the popularity quotient is much higher for those who are 'everyday nice' than the 'star awesome' people. Meaning, Brad Pitt gets to have millions of followers because he's a star. That's his privilege. But he won't be that known as a person as much as that ordinary sunny neighbor kid who's always helping out or goofing about just for the heck of it.

Meaning, be a person, not the you.

Social Trip: It is okay to throw in once in a while fuzzy, grainy photos of you taken on a phone. It makes you look accessible and not some Sitting-on-the-gilded-throne-in-the-ivory-tower sop. If you always use crisp, pro-looking photos, you are going to get likes because of aesthetic reasons (your good, sharp photograph!) but not because you are the kind of person people think you are accessible enough to hang out with.

That's also the 'he / she's so elite' thought you're going to get. In my experience, People's Person-type of impression always attract more potential friends. So don't be too high-tower.

Besides, if you are studio-quality-photo-conscious, you are going to look like someone who's self-conscious, vain, and perhaps a Like-hunter.

Be a people's person, if you want to win friends. However, if you want to be just you, warts and all, great, no problem, the cave is always yours to look out from while the world sparkles with fun.
 
Watch your mouth        

If you are with your best friends, GF/BF, cousins and fellow warts, your free speech will be tolerated to some extent. But with a new friend, watch it. Don't get too opinionated; don't rush into conversations where there are only coteries; don't go "nice boobs" or "nice bulgies, dude"  on new friends. You are never going to befriend them in real. You just showed them what an eager loser you are, right?

Note: Don't forget these tips are about attracting 'quality' people and making real friends out of them. I can't help you if cavemen are what you are looking for!  

Follow a decent, approachable line of interaction and you will see your virtual FB friends (and their friends) gradually warm up to you: your ‘likes’ and responses seem to increase, more people check you out, you start receiving invitations to attend a party, a fishing trip ETC.

Simply, your circle of life will swell. Remember this: After all the narcissism, nihilism, and individualism we wear to protect ourselves, the world still admires values, etiquette, and humanism. Remember: Lack of etiquette is excusable, but to lack of temperament and character is not.  

Next: Tip# 3

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