How to not Scare off new Friends on Facebook with the ‘You’

Tip #2

Being ‘you’ is not the same as being the depressed you

Narcissists, loners, trolls, table hogs, and social pariahs have an excuse: They call it the ‘F***-U-I-Don’t-Care-What-You-Think-Of-Me and It-Is-My-Life. They will never make real friends on Facebook. They will grow old posting Emo quotes and Emo images on their walls.

The internet is full of memes of such. Look closely: What depth of impression about their social life do their statuses, likes, comments, and general behavior give you about them?

Deep inside, we are all lonely people looking for acceptance, and companionship. Do you want to make new friends? Real ones?

All of us look for validation.

First step: Shed your self-depriving, and socially-counterproductive IDC attitude and be sociable if you wish to win people. There is scientific truth that positive outlook and countenance have positive effect on people around you. The same with the way you interact with the people you have in your friends-list.

True, every person has flaws. Nobody perfect. Even those super achievers and popular people who rule Facebook. Every one has flaws. Fact: But rules of etiquette, courtesy, grace, manners, decency, and culture still govern society.

The point in being ‘you’ is neither to flash your flaws everywhere, nor in being fake. Is being polite and sociable being ‘fake’? If your sentiment is in the affirmative, I am afraid there is not much we can do to help but to point you back to your cave.

The point in being ‘you’ within a community is not to be a social failure, a loner, and a cave dweller. If you are a non-conformist, why are you on Facebook in the first place? If you chose to be a Neanderthal, the cave is yours.

If you want to rejoin civilization, here are some basic rules of interaction:

However, if you want to win friends (not just add them), be respectable. What about those dudes from the streets who exhibit poor etiquette, show Nazi upbringing in their statuses, drop more F-Bombs than the RAF did on Berlin in 1944, and cuss about lovers, friends, and relatives but still get 100s of likes?

Simple answer: Pigs wallow with pigs. Eagles fly with eagles. Equation: if you are pork, you are going to attract the approval of swine. Therefore, if you want to attract quality people, strive to be a person of quality. If you want to attract only swine, that is your prerogative. Therefore, all I can say for now is, ‘May the great Oink be with you.’

• ·         Be sociable, not groveling
• ·         Be polite, not stiff
• ·         Be softly sunny, not a sweltering summer noon
• ·         Be interactive, not intrusive

Here is the equation: I think the popularity quotient is much higher for those who are 'everyday nice' than the 'star awesome' people. Meaning, Brad Pitt gets to have millions of followers because he's a star. That's his privilege. But he won't be that known as a person as much as that ordinary sunny neighbor kid who's always helping out or goofing about just for the heck of it.

Meaning, be a person, not the you.

Social Trip: It is okay to throw in once in a while fuzzy, grainy photos of you taken on a phone. It makes you look accessible and not some Sitting-on-the-gilded-throne-in-the-ivory-tower sop. If you always use crisp, pro-looking photos, you are going to get likes because of aesthetic reasons (your good, sharp photograph!) but not because you are the kind of person people think you are accessible enough to hang out with.

That's also the 'he / she's so elite' thought you're going to get. In my experience, People's Person-type of impression always attract more potential friends. So don't be too high-tower.

Besides, if you are studio-quality-photo-conscious, you are going to look like someone who's self-conscious, vain, and perhaps a Like-hunter.

Be a people's person, if you want to win friends. However, if you want to be just you, warts and all, great, no problem, the cave is always yours to look out from while the world sparkles with fun.
 
Watch your mouth        

If you are with your best friends, GF/BF, cousins and fellow warts, your free speech will be tolerated to some extent. But with a new friend, watch it. Don't get too opinionated; don't rush into conversations where there are only coteries; don't go "nice boobs" or "nice bulgies, dude"  on new friends. You are never going to befriend them in real. You just showed them what an eager loser you are, right?

Note: Don't forget these tips are about attracting 'quality' people and making real friends out of them. I can't help you if cavemen are what you are looking for!  

Follow a decent, approachable line of interaction and you will see your virtual FB friends (and their friends) gradually warm up to you: your ‘likes’ and responses seem to increase, more people check you out, you start receiving invitations to attend a party, a fishing trip ETC.

Simply, your circle of life will swell. Remember this: After all the narcissism, nihilism, and individualism we wear to protect ourselves, the world still admires values, etiquette, and humanism. Remember: Lack of etiquette is excusable, but to lack of temperament and character is not.  

Next: Tip# 3

Give more, to receive more: If you want pingbacks from your Facebook friends, ping them!

Why politeness and courtesy still matter in making real friends on Facebook

In the introduction to the concurrent tips about not only adding friends on Facebook, but also keeping them, we summarized why friendship is more than just clicking (no pun). It is a phenomenon that needs constant watering. There is a lot going on in each dynamic. Here is the first of the tips. 

Tip #1 

Be Polite: Courtesy out from among Cavemen 

In a world of eye-tripping SMS texts, foul-mouthed trolls, acerbic Bitch Please-es, Jihadist chat-bombers, and such general caveman-nery, the magnificent institution of politeness and manners still go a long way. In a world of cavemen, polite people stand out.

If you want to make friends, you need a dress that is both presentable and fits the occasion. More importantly, you need a dress that offers an idea to others about who you are. You need social skills to help situation take past the introduction.    

Of course, every person has an upbringing behind him to blame if his character came into question somewhere. But in community settings, lacking in manners is no excuse to bombing somebody’s sensibilities. Besides, manners don’t take much. All they need is a sense of respect for people and community norms.  

Be polite, courteous, and affable (just take care not to overdo it or you’ll come across as a lost soul from the great Tea Club of London).

‘I hope you have been doing well?’
‘How are you?’
‘Thank you’
‘Please’
‘May I, please?
‘If it is alright with you …’
‘Thank you for your opinion but I may have to disagree with…’

‘Thank you, you’re kind’

Manners need no effort–it is simply willingness not to pick your nose in front of people even though you can and no power in the world would stop you from doing it. It is simply the willingness to respect the sentiments of the other person.

Example

You enjoy picking your nose. 

Great.

And not even the US government can stop you from picking your nose.
Sure.

But you will not do it.

Why?

Simply put, because it is offensive to the other person. You chose not to offend. Translation: People will respect you if you are respectable and show respect.  

That’s manners. That respect.  

Be polite when you converse with your new virtual friends; disagree respectfully; don’t ask personal questions during the initial stages of friendship, keep your comments on their images / posts / notes / links respectful. It is that simple.  

Trust me, Facebook users (not in your friends’ list yet) just might feel you’re a cool guy and send you a friend request (and many will, at least the way I observe).

Read Next: 

Tip# 2  if you want to make friends, being 'you' does not mean you go all weird. How to notScare off new Friends on Facebook with the ‘You’

How to make real friends out of your new Facebook friends – and keep them

Long title, is it not? Yes, friendship is as complicated. Making new friends and building friendship were once priorities that fed solely off community traditions and social etiquette: regular phone calls, dinners, dates, et al. That institution stood strong until Facebook intruded–it has demystified social taboos and introduced new dynamics into the ages-worth of electives about friendship.

Phones and dinners are still indispensable. However, the social networking site’s offer of proximity and accessibility has relieved relational proscriptions.

Unfortunately, the portal is also responsible for lulling the good expectations into relational complacence: a user may have thousands of friends but barely enough friendships with any of them to be worth enough for him to log in everyday.

Such a user contrasts another who has only few friends (met on Facebook) in his list but shares a deep, personal connection with almost everyone there.

The Stars and the Mortals

What if you could befriend new people, unwrap and find real friends in them? Have you ever wished taking your friends-list into the real world? If you are a celebrity / an accomplished person, your chances of increasing the number of new ‘friends’ are way higher than others–friend requests will come to you.

Likewise, the extent of effort you will have to exert and the opportunity to exerting them, are also as high, at least in mechanic terms – you will get noticed and people generally respond when you reach out by virtue that you are well-known.

Unfortunately, not everyone is a well known person with a list of accomplishments to fall back on. Many have had to try harder at both adding people and seeking opportunities to connecting with them. 

Here are some tips for you if you desire to exact both quantity and quality out of your friends-list. Most of these tips are from personal experience, or more precisely, by trial-and-error! We had no ‘How to make 50, 000 friends on Facebook’ tutorials way back circa 2000s. I opened a Facebook account in 2007. If you wish to, I would be glad to join my small world on Facebook. You will find me here at my new account.

For convenience, I will be positing a tip a day here. If you are interested, keep checking in for subsequent tips. They will include 'connection protocols' and how to employ them, solving boy-girl issues, how to write effective emails to new friends in your list, ETC. 

Here are the tips that might just help you turn the people you added as ‘friends’ into real friends, and keep them.

(Please click on the links. A single post would have been extremely long so I've listed them as separate posts. Blogger has no pagination features, bad!)

Tip #1
Be Polite: Courtesy out from among Cavemen  

Tip #2
How to Not Scare off your new Facebook Friends with the 'You' 

Tip# 3
The Pingback Method: Give if you want to receive